Saturday 20 October 2012

And we had our first tantrum!


Dear Alice,

You had your first tantrum last week! To be honest, the "kicking" and "screaming" anarchy only lasted a few minutes...until, in the middle of the shopping center, I asked you if "lait de maman" (mommy milk) would make things better to calm you down.

You are no longer a little baby and your increasing need for autonomy is obvious. While this reality is new to me, I want you to know that I will always be present and reassuring during those difficult times when built up frustration gets too intense for you.

I'm not a permissive mom but I'm also not an authoritarian mom. I love to think that I'm a positive parent and that empathy will be my best friend when dealing with future tantrums. Hopefully, I won't fall too often into the common trap of ignoring you or sending you away because I believe that a loving presence next to you will always be beneficial. It won't teach you that tantrums are ok but it will tell you that we remind connected even during difficult emotional moments.

And once you calmed down we will have a simple little talk. I will tell you that your feelings are acceptable but not your actions and that there are other way to deal with your frustration. And this, my adorable daughter, will be a precious gift for you in the future...even (especially) as an adult!

p.s. Alice, next time you drop a "toy" (tiny Altoid metal tin) on the sidewalk, could you please let me know so I don't lose my balance on it...and sprain my ankle! (@myself: keep calm, deal with your frustration properly...ah ah ah).

Love you so much

Maman xox 


Olga said...

Ha! My daughter (who is about 3 months younger than Alice) had her first "public" tantrum just last week -- over chocolate. It was absolutely my fault for eating chocolate myself while walking outside, letting her have a tiny taste, and then denying her more when she liked it. She just stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and was crying/yelling at me and refusing to walk! I was not as mature as you are at handling it either: I just picked her up (kicking and screaming) and carried her home (thank goodness we were very close). And, I did give her "mommy's milk" when we got home to get her mind off chocolate. I roll my eyes at myself.

P.S. We have a "toy" tiny mint metal tin, too! Ours is monkey head shaped and green.

Bees_Circus said...

Her coat is just adorable! & you have just a refreshing approach on her tantrums, that's amazing!

emily -- a denver home companion said...

great advice. thank you.

also, her hat is adorable!

Vivian said...

Your little girl is so well dressed. If they sold all that in adult sizes, I would copy her.

You are lucky the tantrums only started now. Lucas is starting already. Ironically, the doctor asked me last week if he started tantrums yet and I had said no and then voila, the tantrums started.