Thursday 28 June 2012
Yes, it sucks!
Over the past few weeks, I drastically went from breastfeeding Alice a gazillion times a day to once in the morning when I'm half passed out sleeping and once during our night ritual when I'm half passed out tired.
Breastfeeding takes a lot of energy so I expected that new transition to have a positive impact. The truth is, weaning Alice introduced the exact opposite.
I went to my family doctor to get a paper to see a dermatologist but I left with a serious warning concerning a possible post-partum depression. Feelings of failure as a mom, insomnia, poor appetite, fatigue, complete lack of interest in social activities...you get the picture.
Post-partum depression and weaning, aka booby blues, is more common than what you may think and can happen even up to 2-3 years after childbirth for women who were breastfeeding their toddlers. Hormones are powerful little bitches.
Strangely enough, even if there is nothing to be ashamed of, I didn't talk about it to any mom friends in my entourage. I realized that I can be comfortable talking about projectile baby poop and fancy stroller characteristics with "new" mom friends but when it came to serious non judgmental business I instinctively went to my good old friends. Even more strange, none of them have kids!
(note: there is nothing wrong with my mom friends....this is just how things went!)
They say that acceptance is the first step. Well, that first step made me feel even more crappy. Funny how depression has a bad reputation. It is so easy to find a multitude of excuses (Not possible, it must be the weather! Not possible, it must be Alice who is more active! Not possible, it must be the new bed mattress! Not possible, it must be food that we cooked!) but when you stop to think about it you realize that what your doctor said made a hell lot of sense.
My doctor asked me to keep a "journal" with everything that could be post-partum depression related (mood, appetite, insomnia, etc.) and to call him if things were getting out of control.
Having a potential booby blues (aka a silly name for a serious situation) is pretty bad but luckily this situation generally gets better as the hormones levels stabilize (planning to breastfeed twice a day for a few more months...if possible).
Still, it sucks!