The tale of the planning hypochondriac

If you read my blog, you probably know that I generally don't use this space to write about how difficult motherhood can be. I'm well aware that posts with a high emotional content are always pretty popular but it is just not my cup of tea.

However, I decided to explain why I was absent over the past month but I will try to use derision and humor...because laughing is always better than crying!

The first day of February (oh, I also turned 32 that week), I went to the clinic because I desperately needed cortisone...for my butt crack (fun fact: after baby swim class, even if your kid is having a fit on the floor, alway dry your skin very well before you put on your underwear). Just before I left, I told the doctor that I had a strange pins and needles feeling on my head, neck and back.

Next thing you know, I'm at the ER and let me tell you that they don't fuck around when you tell them that you have paresthesia (fun fact: this is how you are suppose to say pins and needles when you have adequate vocabulary...I don't). I waited a grand total of 5 minutes before I got rushed into a room with an electrocardiogram attached on my body (fun fact: I actually apologized to the doctor because I was wearing an ugly breastfeeding bra), gave way too many blood samples and did tons of strange neurological tests.

While waiting for the results, I started to make mental lists for Dan...since, you know, he was soon going to raise Alice all by himself...because I would be dead (fun fact: my favorite mental list was How to Dress a Little Girl Appropriately and With Style)!

Good news, I has not having a stroke.

However, I needed to see a neurologist in 48 hours. Great, it would give me more time to train my soon to be single husband!!! The hypochondriac was now working full speed...this is partly why I stopped writing on my blog. Basically, I completely avoided the computer because I just love to self-diagnose myself with the help of my good old friend Google. Those 48 hours were probably the most intense of my adult life...funny how having a kid makes you realized how important it is to be, um, alive and in good health (fun fact: during those 48 hours I kept doing some neurological tests as a nervous tic and it was driving Dan crazy).

Good news, I has not afflicted with any of the 1000 medical problems that Google and I researched (fun fact: my neurologist was very handsome and I was a bit sad that I had no reason to see him again).

So what was my problem you may ask. No offense to my lovely daughter but it is all her fault! According to the physiotherapist, I have compressed nerves in my back for these reasons:

Going up and down the stairs with a stroller
Going up and down the stairs with a car seat and a base
Breastfeeding on my side in a torsion position since I have small boobs
Not using a pillow while co-sleeping the first few months
Using a baby carrier for long period of time
Spending my days playing with Alice on the floor
Making a human swing out of my arms
...you get the idea.

Yeah, this is why I did not write on my blog in February but now I'm back so in between treatments with the osteopath I will post as often as I can!!!

Claudia xox